Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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