Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
