I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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