Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
