Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
