Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
