Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
