goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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