we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
