I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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