I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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