the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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