well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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