yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i believe in u and ur pee
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize