Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
