Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
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You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
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Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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