new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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