no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
