Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
