I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
