i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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