so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
