Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
