Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
