Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
