I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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