Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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