rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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