No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
