Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
