Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
