don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
