your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
