I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
