I cockslap morals
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
