i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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