i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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