Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
