R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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