there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
