Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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