foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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