I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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