Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
