i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
