I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
