Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
