i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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