remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
