somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
