A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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