This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
