life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
