Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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