i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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