Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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