I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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