It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
