What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
