Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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