That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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