tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Its about making memories worth repressing
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
