Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
